big sigh...

I have not been very active on here lately, but I have been very active in my regular life (like this is something extra, not part of my regular life or something). WHAT-EV!

I'm so crazy busy right now. I feel like this is temporary but exactly HOW temporary I'm not quite sure. I feel as if I am always in this state of "what now". Like I am always moving and can never quite get established in anything. All my jobs are like 6-8 months and then I move. Target was the longest job I've had to date (not counting WTBF that I had in high school/college for 3.5 years)... but Target sucked. Okay, part of it was okay, it wasn't a horrid job; infact I actually liked what I did as a GSA, but it wasn't very fulfilling and it was very stressful. I'm still stressed but it's a different kind and I don't hate going to work everyday. I don't have to pump myself up with a Monster in order to get ready. I can relax, chill, write a letter to my relative or friend or read a magazine or even come to the library and blog! :)

But the job I have now is still not a career. It doesn't pay very well and I still have to answer to someone who doesn't seem to be keeping up with the times. I still feel like I'm doing more than everybody else and that it doesn't matter because the managers just expects the ordinary. I have co-workers that outrightly disrespect the managers and they're still working here. Probably because they need the people and don't have a good enough reason to fire him.

When I "complained" to my supervisor about how I was frustrated with the other counselors not doing their part she told me "ciara, you know you go out of your way and do extra right?" ... I thought I was just doing my job.

So basically this is just me whining.

I've been listening to Seth Godin's "Small is the New Big" on playaway. (by the way, these playaways are great, even though the quality is a little bit lacking. I highly recommend them).

When I started Seth's book I was a little wary. I wasn't sure what it would do for me. It's supposed to light a fire under you to get going on that idea you've been working on. At first I was skeptical but I gotta tell you, I've been listening to it and it's been really great. It's chapters are short (some only a paragraph) but they each offer something. The really great part about it is that it's incredibly creative. He takes ideas like catching a plane and turns it into something else; something that YOU coud possibly use for your next big idea.

Maybe you don't have a big idea, or a business idea... regardless, there are some great ideas in this book that will make you think.

I've been listening to some great books lately and I keep coming back to the idea that I need to own my own business. Working for someone else is great because you don't have to do all the thinking it takes to run a business. You don't have to take responsibility. So I think I will always be working for someone else, but in short spurts. Eventually I would like to run my own calligraphy business and work for other people on the side.

But right now I'm just kindof stuck trying to figure out if I want to move or not.

So that's my rant. Am I always ranting about something? I hope soon I will have some great news. In fact, the fact that this idea is festering inside my head right now is good news. I've been practicing calligraphy and my brain is just always on the prowl for new possibilities. So that in itself is a good thing.

what happened to the hot water!?

Why oh Why do I live with children. The hot water in the shower is on and won't turn off, so I turned the hot water off. This is the second time we've had this problem. I am the only adult in the house. I'm the only one that calls the office when there are problems with the apartment, like the hot water. They just let it run for days and days like it's no big thing. No worries! we all have billions of dollars to spend on hot water wastage. So I turn the hot water off and they get all freaked out. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE HOT WATER!? IT'S BROKEN!! CALL CIARA!

And then I get the text, "Ciara did you do something to the hot water?!" yes stupid, I turned it off so that we don't spend an extra $50 on the water bill because we let it run nonstop 24/7 for 7 days straight. Okay so that's not what I said verbatim, but whatever.

Thank you for letting me unload this on you. Sometimes I feel like I just need to let the world know that people like this do exist. Not just in movies and books.

They exist! Be careful out there people!

By the way... I'm onto a new book on tape. It's called "The Gargoyle" by Andrew Davidson. It's quite good. There are a few things that may be uncomfortable to read; like for example the main character's previous line of work was in pornography and he talks a bit graphically about it here and there. It's about this guy (also a drug addict and alcoholic) who gets in a car accident and is burned all over his body. While he is in the hospital recovering in the burn ward this woman appears and claims that they were lovers in medieval Germany. Of course he thinks she's crazy.

It's about their relationship, past and present. It's quite good because the story is told both in his voice, but also in the voice of the woman (Marriane Engel) when she tells him stories of her past. I am liking it a lot. It's capturing. He's kindof a womanizer but ends up falling for this woman.

I like the way he writes. He weaves things together without pointing everything out to you. You just kindof start to realize how things relate in his present life and his past life. Here's the link to my shelfari page where I have it posted on my shelf as "currently reading". You can check it out there along with a lot of other amazing books.

don't you love the library?!

Oh how I love a good book on tape. And the Library! Oh what a wonderful thing a library is. I just finished The Strangler by William Landay. A wonderful murder myster, set in Boston in the early 60's.

It's about this family; one's a police officer (a bit crooked), a lawyer (a bit crooked) and a theif (hmmm, just a touch crooked) and all the stuff that they go through with the gangsters in the city, building the new boston, crooked cops, gambling, the family dynamics... and it's also about the stranger; I think it's loosely based on The Zodiac. Or at least they take some from it; the feel of it. It's quite good. And the guy who reads it does a great job of mastering the Boston accents and everything. Anyways, it's a good book. . . but there are some sensitive scenes in it that make you a little squirmy. It is a murder mystery after all.

So I gotta go turn it back into the library today and get another. William Landay has another, Mission Flats. I might see if they have it and if it looks good. I drive around so much in my two jobs that it just helps to have something to listen to. I highly recommend books on tape.

soooooo...... what have I been doing lately? same old same old. I just work work work. I'm trying to figure out when to tell my boss that i'm moving to Alabama in October. I just don't want to tell her. I think they like me here so that's kindof a bummer. I think I could really work my way up here. But I just can't afford an apartment by myself out here. I do like the city though, even though there's a lot of driving. There are a lot more oportunities. I think it's gonna be hard to find a job when I move back to Troy. Ugh. Not looking forward to that at all.

I'm feeling the pull to get back into learning the art of calligraphy. I got some books from the library and i'm gonna get back to practicing. I stopped because I felt like I wasn't doing it right. I wanted to take lessons and have someone really teach me. I didn't want to form bad habbits. But I couldn't find anything, even out here! There's one that's in Washington but it's just too far and I don't have the time to drive all the way out there. And they're more about appreciating the "real calligraphy" and not so much teaching newbies how to begin. I think it's more for the professionals.

Anyways... I've been convinced that it's not such a big deal. I just need to practice practice practice til I make perfect. So that's what I'm going to do.

I found this website today... if you like Shelfari you'll like this one too.